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AMES' SERIES OF 
STANDARD AHD MIHOE DRAMA. 

No. 459. 



A Batch of Pro verbs. 



FAEOE 



WITH CAST OF 0HARACTBK8, ENTRANCES AND 
EXITS, RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS 
ON THE STAGE, DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES AND 
THE WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS ; CARE- 
FULLY MARKED FROM THE MOST AP- 
PROVED ACTING COPY. 



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PRICE 15 CENTS. 



' CLYDE. OHIO. 
AMES^ PUBLISHING CO. 



No oroods Sent C. O. T). Money MUST aorompany all orders 



9J 



Ernes' Edition of Plays. 



■^ 



Fifteen cents each unless otherwise marked. 



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60 
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152 

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3S5 
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255 



311 



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25c 6 3 

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TEMPERANCE PLAYS. 

75 Adrift 6 4 

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2.54 Dot; the Miner's Daughter 9 5 

202 Drunkard, The 13 5 

185 Drunkard's Warning 6 3 

189 Drunkard's Doom 15 5 

181 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- 
ard's Life 10 4 

183 Fruits of the Wine Cup 6 3 

104 Lost 6 2 



sE 



A Batch of Proverbs. 

^ CO]VIEDIETTA. 



IN ONE ACT 



— BY — 



Billy M. Morris. 



TO WHICH IS ADDED 

A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMRS— CAST OF THE CHAR AC 

TERS— ENTRANCES AND EXITS -RELATIVE POSITIONS 

OF THE PIORFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE 

WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. 



Entered according to act of OotiKi'ess in tlie year 1905 by 

AMES- PUBLlSHlNCi CO., 
iu the otlice of the Librarian of Congress at VVashingtou 



AIIES' PUBLISHING CO. 

CLYDE, OHIO; 



A BATCH OF PEO VERBS. 
CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



Mr. Jones . . 
Mes. Jones. 



%^?>^ 



r'^K 



TIME OF PLAYING -15 minutes 



U88ARY of OONGKtSS 
Two CoDies rtecctvco 

JUL 10 1905 

(\ Oouyngni tniry J^- 



CppT B 



COSTUMES— Modern, 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R., means Right; l, Left; R. H., Right Hand; L. H., Left 
Hand; c, Centre; s. e., (2d e.) Second Entrance; u. e. 
Upper Entrance; m. d., Middle Door; f., the Flat; d. 
r., Door ip, Flat; R. c, Right of Centre; £.. c, Left of 
Ontre. 

R. R. C. C. L. C. L. 

*^*Reader is supposed to be upon the stage facing audience. 






j^ Batch, of I^ro verbs. 

SCENE.— Pa7'lon 
. Enfer Mr. and Mas. Jones, c. e, at rise of curiain, ^ 

Mrs. J, Don't tell me, Mr Jones; I'll not endure it 
from morning till night. You are forisver torturing me 
with those sei seless quotations, and every question I ask 
you, you answer with a motto or a proverb. We are all 
at variance and sepernted. '■ 

. Mr. J. Tl]at should not be. "A house divided cannot 
stand," as the p overb says. 

Mrs. J. i will not hear another word. 

Mr. J. "None so deaf as th'os^ who won't hear." 

Mrs. J. You are most provoking. You know I have 
a party to dinner and my cousin and aunt are coming to 
help me. 

Mr. J. "Eelations are best apart," and "Too many 
cooks spoil the broth," as the proverb says. 

Mrs. J. As the proverb says! You'd aggravate a saint! 
You monster you — you — you! {enrage'i 

Mr. J. Goon my dear, scold away. Hard words, or to 
quote an old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my 
bones, but names will never hurt me." 

Mi's. J. Indeed, some of your convivial friends if tliey 
don't hurt you in name will very likely break yuu in pocket. 
I can scarcely get a penny for myself. 

Mr. J. My love "Take <3are of the pennies, and the 
pounds will take care of themselves," another proverb, 
"A penny saved is a penny earned" and another "Willful 
waste causes woeful want." 

Mrs. J. I'll neither waste words nor do I want any 
more of your twaddle about these stupid old proverbs. 

Mr. J. Call the sayings of the wisest men stupid, but 



4 A BATCH OF PROVERBS. 

then you know no better, "You can't make a silken purse 
of a sows ear," and "Wliere ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to 
be wise." 

Mrs. J. If this is the result of wisdom, I think it wise 
to be ignorant. I wouldn't learn if I could, and I won't 
try — at least not now. 

Mr. J. As the proverb says, "There is no time like the 
present," and "None so stupid as those who won't learn." 

Mrs. J. I think your pr(j verbs all moonshine, so yov 
must wait till I am in a humor. 

Mr. J. "While the grass is growing the steed is starv- 
ing." 

Mrs. J. Well, let him starve if he don't die until 1 
become a hay -maker, he'll live to see the sun stand stiil. 

Mr. J. Indeed, "You shou'd make hay while the sun 
shines" — 'tis an old motto to "Take time by the fore-lock," 
and "Don't ride a willing horse o death." 

Mrs. J. {(iiigry) I'll have you understand that I'll 
lose no time in packing up and getting out of this house 
be 'ore you cause my death. 

Mr. J. You thought of the old proverb, "Opportunity 
lost can never be regained," and "A bird in the hand is 
worth two in the bush," and a third, "Strike while the iron 
is hot." 

Mrs. J. I wish I was free, the iron should cool enough 
before I'd strike — but I'll have a divorce! 

Mr. J. That will be "Jumping out of the frying pan 
into the fire," as the proverb says. 

Mrs. J. Hang the proverbs and those that quote them. 

Mr. J. "Those that are born to hang will never be 
drown d." 

Mrs. J. Will you hold your stupid tongue! 

(stamps her foot 

Mr. J. "A still tongue makes a wise head." 

Mrs. J. Oh, this is intolerable! If you don't cease, I'll 
jump out of the window. 

Mr. J. ' Look before you leap," as the proverb says. 

Mrs. J. Mr. Jones, I am a mild tempered woman, but 
if you keep this up, we shall quarrel and have words. 

Mr. J. "A thousand words won't fill a bushel." 

Mrs. J. The easels a hopehss one. Jones, I go hence, 
far from what 1 thought would be my home — I'll go 
thousands of miles away. 



A BATCH OF PROVERBS. 5 

Mr. J. Remember the old proverb, "A rolling stone 
gathers no moss." 

Mrs. J. And this is the man I thought all perfection. 
I thought so by his appearance. 

Ml'. J. Never judge people by appearance. "'Tis not 
all gold that glitters." 

Mrfi. J. You used to praise my beauty. 

Mr. J. "Beauty is but skin deep." 

Mrs. J. True, but "Ugliness goes to the bone;" you 
were there when that was served out. 

Mr. J. "Every eye creates it's own beauty." 

Mrs. J. It will take a powerful magnifying glass to 
discover yours. I can't see it. 

Mr. J. "None so blind as those who won't see," as the 
proverb says. 

Mrs. J. Will you never cease those old saws? It is a 
perfect mania. 

Mr. J. "What's bred in the bone will come out in the 
flesh," as the proverb says. 

Mrs. J. Flesh and blood can't stand this. I'll go and 
attend to the house duties and darn your socks. 

Mr. J. Eight, "A stitch in time saves n ne." 

Mrs. J. i wish you had a stitch in your side and kept 
it till you left off the use of those senseless sayings. I 
suppose you will some day? 

Mr. J. "Better late than never," and "Never too late 
to mend.'* 

Mrs. J. I'm determined! I'll go to my parents — cer- 
tain sure. 

Mr. J. "There's many a slip betwixt cup and lip." 

Mrs. J. I'll go to-morrow. 

Mr. J. "Never put off till to-morrow what can be done 
to-day." "Procrastination is the thief of time." 

Mrs. J. As we can't be happy together, we had better 
be apart. 

Mr. J. Seperate! Remember the proverb, "Unity is 
strength" and "Don't throw away dirty water till you get 
clean," "United we stand, divided we fall." 

Mrs. J. Good-bye, I'm going away. 

{starts toward c. E. 

Mr. J. "When the cat's away the mice will play." 

Mrs. J. [comes hack, angry) Oh! I'm a cat, am I? 
Mind you don't ft el my claws, you— you — Oh! I could 



6 A BATCH OF PEOVE BBS. 

choke with rage, a fellow that I married out of charity. 

Mr. J. "Charity begins at home" and "Truth will out." 

Mrs. J, I speak the truth honest. >. 

Mr. J. "Honesty is the best policy" and "Truth lies^ai 
the bottom of a well," as the proverb says. (^^ )^| f 

Mrs. J. Truth does not lie anywhere. Well — )'' 

Mr. J. "Let well alone." 

Mrs. J. I'm trying to make well better. 

Mr. J. Mind you don't make bad worse. "'Tis a long 
lane that has no turning" and as I think I have teased you 
long enough, 1 will confess I have only been doing this to 
see "What metal you were made of." 

Mrs. J. {pleasantly) Why "Belle metal" of course. 
You should have found that out when you rung me. 

Mr. J. True genuine bell metal — and toueful, except 
when I touched the chord of discord, by discoursing my 
mnsty proverbs, but "Enough is as good as a feast" and 
"TV)o much suga • palls on the taste." 

Mrs. J. (s (rppiiig his 7nouth with hand) Taste— don'fe 
give us anotlier taste of proverbs. ■• 

^ Mr, J. You are quite right to check me. 

"So we'll leave off quoting proverbs; 
I'll tease you love no more; 
We'll try our best to please you all, 
As oft we've done before. 
And make each other happy; 
At least we hard will try, 
And to each do 
As we'd wish to be done by; 
And try the fleeting hours 
To make happy, merry, gay, 

Tor if we (mly have the will, •: 

We're sure to find the way'." '^ 

Song may he introduced to dose irifh and tag omitted^ m^ 

''■ hh-t TIC' ^^9 <^^^^ song bolh iised^ as desired, .'f ii Ta4 



CURTAIN, 

THE END, 



A NEW PLAY BY LIZZIE MAY ELWYN, AUTHOR OF DOT.' 
THE MINER'S DAUGHTER. ENTITLED 



r^'^r^'3. 



i Rachel, the Fire Waif I 

A Drama in 4 ac's, for 7 male and 4 female charaoters. 
Time of performance, 2 hours. 



SYJSrOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT T. — Natlian Ellsworth's home— Ray asleep— Alarm of fire- 
Ray and Drusilla — ". am a Fire W.uf'— The two papers— Report of 
Eugene Barleisih's death"^Aniit Sophy and Barney get into a row 
^Tabitha packs lier valise — Elmer and" Ray — Natlian and Barney 
arrive with Harvey Jackson, who has assumed the naiiie of Eugene 
Burleigh, who has been rescued from the fire — Drusilla recoirnizes 
him— The threat of murder— Barney sings ''Swate Little Buther 
Cup." 

ACT IT.— Storm- Sophy gives Nathan a piece of her mind— Parson 
Green receives a rougli reception— Thunder and lightning — Jackson 
recognizes Parson Green, alias Brock — The threat — Brock relates a 
little story— The plot to murder Elmer Ellsworth and Eugene 
Burleigh -Barney and Tabitha— Storm continues— Elmer starts for 
the Lighthouse— Jackson and Ray — The wrecked ship— Ray im- 
plores Jackson to go to Elmer's rescue, which he refuses— "Coward, 
J will save him" — Elmer, Ray and Eugene Burleigh -Eugene dis- 
guised as Capt. Brown — Drusilla recognizes his voice — Tabitha's 
oath. 

ACT IIT. — The forged check — Drusilla again becomes a wanderer 
— Eugene discovers lier note to Ray — Abduction of Eugene Burleigh 
— Barney is an eye witness — Jackson accuses Elmer of forging the 
check and helps him to escape— A lost letter — Tabitha, Barney 
and the flour barrel — Jackson tells Ray about the check — "I never 
will believe him guilty" — A three month's promise — Nathan and 
Sophy — "It's my opinion it's a put up job" — Barney's pledge. 

ACT IV. — Ray as the wife of Jackson — The abuse— Jackson and 
Brock — "I'll be even with you" — "Vour doom is sealed" — Nathan, 
Sophy and Elmer in search of Ray — The lost letter turns up, 
which unravels the mystery of Drusilla — Eugene Burleigh gives a 
history of the past, which clears Drusilla of the crime of murder and 
reveals to Ray that Drusilla is her sister — The explosion, i.n which 
Ja<;kson is killed — The house enveloped in flames— Firemeio rescu© 
the party. ^ 

.^- PRICE 25 CENTS. 



Mr. Butte 
from Montana. 



A comedy in 3 actsy hy W, Gnult and Alice Wilson 

BrowiiCj for 6 male and 4 female characters. Plays 

1 hour and 50 minutes. Costumes modern. 



SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT I. — Home of Mrs. Boulder — Drill and Polly — "You neveropen 
yourmoiith butyou tell a lie" — Mrs. Boulder, who has a fondness for 
pets — Shaft is interviewed— Mrs. Boulder receives a letter from her 
grandson, Butte Boulder — Miss Broolis hears theg:ood news — Arrival 
of Butte with Sam Since, his Chinrse servant — "Don't stand there 
like a cigar sign"— Sluce in trouble — Sledge, the bedbug extermi- 
nater makes things lively — A little misunderstanding — Mr. Flume, 
very much in love with Miss Brooks — Mrs. Boulder mistakes the bed 
bug man for her grandson and gives him a motherly welcome— 
Butte in search of his grandma— Flumes explanation — A little flir- 
tation — Sledge works the exterminator — Flume proposes and is re- 
jected — "Me killee kissee bug all light." 

ACT 11. — Mrs. Boulder and Butte — A very quiet flat — "A rolling 
stone gathers no moss" — Butte spoils his grandmother's matchmak- 
ing — "You are the image of your father" — "Bum place dis, muchee 
too hot" — Flume receives another crusher — Prof. Placer and Miss 
Quartz, both in love with science — A confidential conversation — 
Hallie trying to explain — "Oh! lookee, Melican man got black eyes" 
— Butte squares himself — Two love letters — Mrs. Boulder m;i.kes her 
will — Placer looking for a rich wife — Butte plays joke on Flume — 
"Goldie, can 1 believe my eyes" — Butte Boulder — Picture. 

ACT 111. — Butte confides in the Prof, and receives some advice | 
Miss Quartz breaks her engagement with Butte and trys to capture 
the Professor — Flume proposes and is accepted — "Me no likee dis 
country, too hot, me go back to Montana" — "I started out in life 
young, as a devil iti a printing office" — Flume falls heir to a fortune 
— Butte proposes to Goldie and is accepted — "Me got Chinese gal all 
right" — "If you are going to engage any more heathens, I'll quit 
me job" — Picture — The end. Price 25cts. 

Jes' Like ^WMte Folks. 

A negro farce in 2 acts, by C. I. Emms, for 4 male and 3 female 
characters. Time of performance 15 minutes. Costumes to suit 
characters. A capital short farce in which Sally gives a party "Jes' 
Like White Folks" and winds up with a laughable Possum Walk. 
As many specialties may be introduced as desired, to lengthen time 
of performance. Price 15cts. 



In a Spider s W eb. 

A Musical Farce Comedy in 4 acts, by Mr. and Mrs. C. F. Kinna- 
man, for 8 male and 5 female characters. Time of per- 
formance, 1 hour and 40 minutes. 

^"^YNOrtilS OF E VENTS. 

ACT r.— Lawn at "Drop Inn"— Pet and Kid— "Gee whiz, you 
don't like me no how"— Tanner, the proprietor of "Drop Inn"— 
"Say, Guardy, did youeat any blind robins?" — Fly— Henry is stage 
struck — William Shakespere, "You know Willie, don't you?" — Pet 
and Kid torment Fly— Dem skeeters mighty bad around here"— Fly 
plays a trick on them and gets even— Tanner and Zoe— "What! my 
daughter marry a hotel clerk?"— Fritz— "Well I nevah, he takes 
me for Satan— Mrs. Spider— An easy catch— "By George, dead mashed 
on me, deuced clevah girl"— Pet and Kid paint a monkey face on 
Tanner's bald head — Charles proposes for Zoe's hand, but is rejected 
by her father— Fritz tries to flirt with Pet— "Porter, erase the country 
soil from my clotiies" — Fly, the tonsorial artist— "What you want, 
bobtail, four-in-hand or pompadour?" — Fritz and Mrs. Spider— The 
arrival of guests — Miss Jones, the unprotected female — Tanner and 
Fly have trouble with her luggage — Michel O'Ratferty McGinnis, 
M. P., from the 13th ward — Pet and Kid quarrel^"Young lady, I'll 
send you to a convent" — "I won't go, so I won't" — "Ue downfall of 
Africa" — Charles and Zoe plan an elopement and offer Fly $5.00 to 
help them — "O! Charles, the shock has killed hiift" — McGinnis 
hunting a place for a poliLical convention. 

ACT II. — Office in Hotel— Pet — "i wish Henry was here, I am so 
lonesome" — She tells Tanner that she is engaged to Kid — "Wl)en 
will you be fffleen years old" — "As soon as I can" — "Ain't you 
proud of me?" — You lILtld wretcli, I'll twist your neck" — Another 
guest — Mrs. Spider discovers that the latest arrival is her husband. 
Sport Spider — "So this is the way he goes on a hunting trip" — "Fire! 
Fire! — A put up job by Charles — He and Zoe are married during 
excitement — Miss Jones faints in McGinnis' arms — "The longest 
faint I ever seen" — Dey look like two fairies." 

ACTIli. — Picnic ground near lake— Mrs. Spider on the lookout 
for her husband — Fritznoodle arrives on his wheel— Flirtation con- 
tinued — Hans, the tramp — "Uunder und blitzen, dot baioon vas 
coming back here" — Miss Jones, v\ ho had been left at home, arrives, 
looking for McGinnis — "Ah I he is such a nice man, what a nice 
couple we would make" — "McGinnis, your a blackguard, if you 
spoil the delusion" — Miss Jones tries to encourage McGinnis to pro- 
pose — "Oh! my poor fluttering heart" — Kid comes to the picnic 
disguised as a Jew — McGinnis proposes — SportSpuler discovers Mrs. 
Spider and Fritz— Looking for trouble — "You are caught in your 
own web" — "Forgive me'-' — You'se a nice lot of people, you is" — 
M (SS Jones jealous — "Oh! that huzzy Daisy Hell" — "Heaven defi'nd 
r.s from her anger" — McGinnis ;" '. ! Miss Jones make up — "See that 
Dulchtnan, kick him" — "Hrick uats at forty paces"— Downfall of 
irelaiui — Dutchy, there's a nagger up the tree — Sung -Curtain. 

Price, 15c tg. 



MISS TOPSY TURVY 

-OR- 

The Courtship of the Deacon. 

A Conte^jin 3 acts, by B. G. McFall, for 4 male and 4 female 
oliaractera. Costnmes modern. Time of perfor- 
mance 2 houra. 

-^ — • ^ 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

ToPST TuRVT, Nellie Clarendon. 

May Golden, Topsi/s coudii. 

Mks CiMUENDON, Topsy'8 mother. 

M iss Spkiggs Toj)sifs (jovemess. 

Lord Cla hence A rich Englishman. 

Fkank Goi-DEN, jVay's brother. 

Deacon Jones, PHiar of the church. 

^^D Sei-vant. 



SYNOPSIS OF EVSmS. 

ACT I.— Mrs. Clarndon's parlor— The Deacon almost proposes to Mi«s Spriprffs 
— Topsy Tiirvy interrupts the scene and shows up a little of the Uenk's cliui-ac- 
ter— The second rascal appears— "That's the boinhardtnent of Sanlhiiio" -Poor 
Miss Sprig^g:s vesijins her position— "Oh Heaven, whnt now '. It's Topsy Turvy" 
—The thnnder storm arouses uncanny feelingrs in tlie D.-:i<-on's mind— Tlie 
jrhost— Ned arrives— "Dis yere's a b-b-bug house, sah"— Tlie ghost and the 
Deacon— The two rascals appear— "Golly, where dat skal-e-wag ob a gal ebber 
is, ebber t'ing just don get topsy turvy, suah's yo' born." 

AC II.— Arrival of Lord Clarence— Miss Syn-iggs has troubles of her own— 
The two rascals hold a council of war— Ned hears his sentence— "Iz a gone coon 
sxiah's yonh born"— One proposal interrupts auotiier— -'Do you mean to say 
that yon didn't say what you just said you didu't say, say?"— Miss Spriggs 
consents to fill poor Jennie's place— Another trick on the poor nigger— Topsy 
Tiarvy makes friends with Lord Clarence— Deacon and Miss Spriggs are mar- 
ried and the poor nigger excites the angry passions of the bridegroom. 

ACT III.— Ned makes a contract with Lord Clarence— May's jealousy gets the 
better of her good sense— Ne<l in trying to till his contract, falls inio the hands 
of his tormentors — "You chullins don't play fair, no how" — A trick on the nig- 
ger-Mrs. Jones begins to think mai-riage is a failure— Topsy nixes her a lesson 
on how to manage a hnsb-Mnd- Mrs. Jones demonstrates the lesson— Frank and 
Topsy witnesses the Deacon's surrender— Ned explains the situation to Lord 
Clarence— May talks unguardedly— Mr. and Mrs. Jon.:"s visit rudely terminated 
by one of the "rascals May goes to meet her fate, Imt fate comes to meet her— 
"Golly, where dat skal-e-w»g ob a gal ebber is, ebber t'iug just don get topsy 
turvy, suah's yo' born." Price IScentS' 

-OR- 

MY INVALID AUNT. 

Farce in 1 act, by A. Z. Chipman, for 2 male and 1 female character. 
Mr. Brown, \\ho is in love with a rich widow, pretends he has an 
invalid aunt. His cousin Ruben Rube comes to visit him and Mr. 
Brown gets him to personate the sick aunt, when the widow calls. 
Ruben is a typical Yankee from down East. A first-class farce- 
lively and full of fu©. Price XSctj. 



2-S-^ ^-a-S 



Ben C. Rawley's Latest Piay. EntiJed 

S-S"^ 

TheFbiem^ 

Mill SiMf. 



A Comedy Drama in 3 acts. 7 male and 1 female charac-' 

ier. Time of ])erjormance 1 hour and 20 minutes. 

Costumes to suit characters. 



' :•:: smopsjs of events. ^^— . 

ACT I. Scene /.—Russell Freeman's home— The day's events reviewed — The 
reporter in luck — A brave rescue — "Juicy watermillions" — The Aristocratic 
pent arrives--That awiul disease love, afflicts Sambo— Cnleb overhears a little 
private conversation — A strike ininiinent — Sharp begfins his sclieuiing^— <^aleb 
up to snuflp— I'm an aristocrat, one of the 4(X)!" Sc ne 7/.— Caleb soliioquijtes— 
"I am Paradise Lost I" — A heated interview between Gt)lden and Sharp— The 
demand refused — Tar and feathers — Tlie aristocrat on deck — The verdict — "No 
cau*<e of action!" — Caleb introduces his celebrated court plaster. 

ACT II.— Caleb writes a letter— The Reporter discusses the .strike and "SouimI 
Money" — "Knocks conntert'eit silly" — Caleb's views of tlie strike — A dark dis- 
cussion, in which Dinah is badly misused — The false friend — "My day will come, 
sir!" — Caleb Cork — "Oli ! I'm onto you" — Sambo secures his 'tachment papers — 
The false friend in a new sole— Golden discharged from the mill — Sharp 
triumphant, and Caleb sells more court plaster. 

ACT III. .Sce^ie /.— Wood scene— Ouy prepares to leave, visions of the past— 
The Aristocrat again on hand — ''Turn back, my lad" — Dinah gains a point, and 
Sambo nearly looses his ear — The striker's face starvation— Sliarp in the toils 
— The trap sprung. Scerie //.- Freeman's home — Colored courtsliip— Caleb Cork 
as a peace maker— Goldeu'a. story — Warren Sharp in the hands of the strikers 
— David tell a story, Caleb follows suit — The day of reckoning— Warren Sharp 
leaves in disgrace — The Reporter puzzled — Guy is reinstated at the mill — Caleb 
presents the reporter of the Daily Grit with one of his double jointed, double 
action, stick tight court plasters. 

PRICE 15 CENTS EACH- 

-Ames' Series of Medleys No. 2. 

Suitable for schools and home entertainments, by B. F. Eberhan. 
This No. contains a number of short dialogues and recita- 
tions, suitable for young people from 8 to 16 years. 
No stage scenery necessary, and is not 
difficult to render. 



Contains the fo]lo\vin<i' pieces: A Welcome Dialogue; A Ten, 
Cent Fool: Baby's Toolb: (Jeorge AVashington: Playing "GroWn-up;'f 
Baby Elephant: Pantomimes, Wanted an Office Boy and a New 
Kind of Partition. Price 15ct^, 



-^The Little Wife.4 



A Comedy Drama in 4 acts, by A. Z. Chipman, for 6 malo and 3 
female characters. Costnmes modern. Time of play- 
ing, 1 hour and 40 minutes. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Bob Quick A. U. S. 8. 8. D. 

JoK Clayton, A fanner lad. 

COUNCEI-LOR GOUMAN, A tvLckstei'. 

Injun John The doctor. 

CoL. M ATTEUSON, Vula's father. 

BuBBiiES, Colored servant. 

EsTELLE Adair, Under a cloud. 

YiDK A child martyr. 

Madeline Adaik, Adventuress. 



SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT X. — Sunset Park — Waiting for the mail — Gorman starts his 
little scheme — Joe takes a hand — Vida surprised — The song and the 
echo — A mother's grave — Bob Quick with a bundle so thick — Vida 
and Joe talk business — A'contemptable plot — The two daughters — 
Vida's eyes are opened — "I may be small, but I am still on earth!', 
— Crushed roses — "I must be first choice in your heart or none!" 

ACT II. — Two weeks supposed to have elapsed — Colonel Matter- 
son's Library, St. George Hotel — Another scandal— Bob tries to 
fascinate Vida— A busted scheme— Gorman returns— Writing a let- 
ter at the wrong time— Two eyes watching— Vida's little trick — The 
wedding gift torn to pieces — "A father who is robbing his own 
child!" 

ACT III. — Mountainside farm, Joe's home — Vida turns cook — 
Coffee for three — Pepper and spaulding's glue — The visitors — "I've 
loved, only to be knocked out" — "I don't care if a grist-mill busts!" 
— Knife and fork serenade — Gorman and his umbrella — *'There is 
the check and there is the door!" 

ACT IV. — Madeline Adair's private parlor, St. George hotel — Five 
hours supposed to have elapsed — Madeline is resolved — Quick tries 
to reason — Shut off by the size of his foot — Estelle does not succeed 
in her good intentions — Arrival of Injun John — Vida and John to 
the rescue — Arrest of Gorman — A united family. 

PKICE 15 CENTS, 



The Fortune Teller of 
Dismal Swamp. 

m — I - I ^ 

A M'lo-drama in 4 acts, hy Howard Ameshnry, for 7 

male and 4 female characters. Time of plaining 

1 hour and 45 minutes. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

A HriTTTC Gt^f.tcnfield, Inclined to be n (^df.etwt. 

SiDNKY GuKY, His cousin. 

Coi.ONKL GiiiiY, His uncle and guardian. 

FuED JuDsoN, A hank clerk. 

Ralph Mouton, An ex-convict. 

WiM.iK BiGGEK, A messenger. 

Officer Holuon, Of Woodlawn Grovs. 

Sue Morton, Ralph's sister, 

Mii-DKED GuKY, T?ie ColoneVs dauqhter. 

Katie Hanson, A maid. 

MOTHEK GooDARD, A fortune teller. 

SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT I. — Home of Colonel Grey— Sidney — *'The sooner h© Is out 
of the way the better" — Willie and Katie — The telegram — "If he 
dares to turn on me I'll send him back to prison" — Colonel Grey gives 
Archie some good advice — "Ralph Morton, the devil!" — Sidney and 
Ralph — ••! was innocent of that crime and you know it" — Threats — 
"We'll go back together, I as a forger and you as a murderer" — 
Archie receives a caller — "StopI I'll not allow my sister to be intro- 
duced to such as her" — Fred arrives — Archie accused of theft. 

ACT II. — Home of Colonel Grey — Fred tries to propose, but is in- 
terrupted — "That's riglit, call me an idiot, and be dune with it" — 
Ralph Beaching for the forged check — "Remember you are making 
this sacrifice for your sister— Sue interviews the Colonel — "You are 
wrong, my brother is in Dismal Swamp" — Archie uses a little strategy 
— The escape of Sue — "You are a little too late." 

ACT III. — Home of Mother Goodard in Dismal Swamp— Storm in 
which Willie and Katie show their courage — "Mother Goodard, I 
have done my last piece of dirty work" — Story of Ralpli's life — More 
plotting — The murder — "Your beautiful sister cau join you later, 
Mother Goodard is dead" — The rescue. 

ACT IV. — Exchange Bank — Sidney plotting more mischief — 
Drugged — Archie lays trap for Sidney — Attempted murder— "Caught 
in my own act" — Sidney arrested on the charge of murder — Death 
of Sidney and Ralph — "I am ready to die, knowing that my sister's 
wrongs have been avenged"— The end. Trice 15cts« 



:!^Unele Zaehary 

of Vermont4^ 



A Comedy-drama in 2 acts, by Bert C. Rawley, author of "Uncle 

Jed's Fidelity, The Freeman Mill Strike, Trixie. Our Summer 

■ Boarders, Stupid Cupid, Andy Freckles, Badly Mixed, 

etc.." for 5 male and 2 female characters. Costumes 

modern. Time of plaving 1 hour and 40 minutes 

f^mOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT T. — Phillip Buckley's law office — Jasper imparts a secret and 
Freemont receives a note — A social discussion in the legal sanctum 
— Folsom discovered — -'Forgery, eh!" — Phillip surprised — Jasper in 
hard luck — Uncle ^acliary arrives, likewise aunt Amanda, band 
boxes, etc. — "I'm completely flustered" — Folsom puzzles Zachary — 
,'I don't 'zactly like his looks!"— An interrupted tete-a-tete — Folsom 
accuses and Winifred resents an insult — A business transaction — A 
dastardly plot— Jasper earns a "dollah" — The missing wallet — Free- 
mont accused — Zachery proves a true friend — "Go! go quick afore I 
blubber right out!" 

ACT II. — Phillip Buckley's home — Aunt Amanda gossips a little 
— Zachary reviews the "Exhibition" — "Thay wuz electricity too" — 
Zachary has more suspicions and imparts them to Phillip — "Taint 
no crime to win a woman's lieart, Phil" — Amanda writes a letter 
home^Jasper in holiday attire — Father and daughter— A confession 
— Francis and Winifred — "Mr. Freemont is a gentleman and you- 
you are the opposite" — Freemont returns — "I intend to give myself 
up!" — Winifred warns Freemont — "I mean that I love you Winifred'* 
— Francis in a new role — Jasper implicates Francis and frees Free- 
mont from guilt— "Dat's de trufe" — A bit of forgery — Francis dis- 
graced—Lawrence vindicated. Price 25cts. 



I^ete Beetroot; ii^ 

-OR- 

Jigs^ Jags and Jingles. 

A farce in 1 act, by L. E. Chenoweth, C. M. A., for 2 male and 
2 female characters. Time of playing, 30 minutes. A side-splitting- 
negro eccentricity in which Pete Beetroot, working for thirty cents 
and two dollars change, who plays several parts; Hamlet Footlights, 
a half-crazy actor, and January and February March, two military 
maids, contrive to get so mixed up as to produce a whirlwind of the 
heartiest fun. A sure winner for amateurs as well as professionals. 
Everything ne^\ and sparkling. Not a dry line in the sketch. -"' 

Price ISctsl 'f- 



FUN I FUN 1 1 FUNili 

THE FUXNIEST COMEDY YET -JUST PUBLISIIEU, 
ENTITLED 



-^ CAPTURED; i^ 

OR, 

ThG Old Maid's Triumph 



Four Acts— Four Male, Five Female Characters. 



Scenery Easily Managed. Costumes Modern. Characters all 

Good Telling Situations. Susan Tabitka (the old Maid) 

takes the Audience by Storm, as she tries to marry 

every man she meets; if he don't propose she 

does; final success of Susan. If you -want 

a play that is full of fun, and 

sure to please you, order a 

copy of CAPTURED. 

PRICE 15 CENTS. 

Act r. — IToiriP! of the Wiiulchester's — Frank WestfieM — Arrival 
of the '-Old Maid" ; "'I'm tiolvled een-a-most to deatli to see you I'* 
''Mother Goose's Melodies" — Susan's experienc" in the staire coach. 
^•Oniy twenty-four, brother."— Christopher Columbus! wliere am I 

^oino;?" — "I see you, Franlde." — Susan's opinion of Jane. — Polly 

Amusing love scene between Susan and Frank Westtield — his aston- 
ishment arid terror, as she faints in his arms. — Tableau. 

Act II. — Susan's explanation. — ''Slang Debollshers Union"— 
''You'd better begin at home !" — A widower — "Good land! if I 
could not get something better than a widower, I wouldn't feel fit to 
soar to the land of milk and honey I" — Sam Slv, Polly's lover, who 
is a widower. — "If he does not propose, I will!" — Susan and' Sam 
Sly. — Love scene between Polly and Sly, which Susan discovers. 
Her anger, and fall. — Susan and Sly loose their wigs. 

Act 111. — Joshua Pratt. — Susan's fear of men. — "Help! help!'' 
Discovers Joshua — Ridiculous love scene between Susa:i and Joshua. 
"There's nothing half so sueetin life, as love's j^oiing dream. "-Rais* 
"Help! thieves!" — "It might run up mv leg!" — The rescue- 
Susan announces her engagement and determination to go home and 
get married. — The departure. 

Act IV. — Home of Susan Tabitha — Sallie— Discovery of Joshua'^; 
poverty— Susan's ang-^r and disappointment— "Can we get up'?"-Susari 
cutis Joshua's ears — Dinner — "Can we eat dinner y'—Sus.an relates 
her experience to Sallie — Teleo'ram — Arrival and cool recei)tion of 
Charles VVestlield and wife— Joshua sleeps — Susan knocks over his 
chair, pulls his hair—A bank check— Siisaii's promitse,— Happy 
ending - _ - 



tiie toast of Maine. 



A Bomantie Mele-drama in 3 acts, by F. P. Minnelli, for 6 male 

and 2 female characters. Time of performance 1 hour 

aud 35 minutes. 



STNOI^SIS OF EVENTS, 

ACT I. — Home of Squire Gray— Squire and Madge— Paul a smug^- 
pier— Bess — "Here 1 ain, dad" — "Sluire I never did like brass but- 
tons anyway" — Major Smart on important business — "Prevent him 
if possible from following a course tiiat will lead to ruin" — Bess and 
•pgi-i-y — "Ye'll not be able to resist tlie toe of his boot" — Carew — 
"What a niuht for the wreckers" — The plot to ruin Paul — "Con- 
vince the villagers and a rope wi'l ;io the rest" — Rodrick proposes 
to Madge and is rejected— Threats— Coward— The Polly sighted — 
Paul returned and accused of being a wrecker — "Take it back I say, 
or I will choke that lie down your cowardly throat" — The proof— 
"I will never darken your door again until you retract those cruel 
words" — Major Smart refuses to do his duty — Paul leaves home. 

ACT II.— Home of Squire Gray — "Yes, daughter, I am convinced 
that Rodrick is at the bottom of all our troubles" — Bess — "Why, I 
was scaring old speckle on the nest so that she would lay an egg for 
your supper" — Terry makes love to Bess — "Rip me trousers, dash 
me main boom, as a sailor I am a bloomin' success" — Carew, the 
wrecker — "Luck for the wrecker boys and death to the sailors" — 
— More treachery — Bess overhears Rodrick and Carew plotting to 
blow up the old mill — Paul returns in time to prevent a wreck and 
confronts Rodrick — Tlie quarrel — A proposition — Paul, the winner 
— Now shoot— "All is lost, the Revenue Officers are here" — "A word 
to the wise is sufficient" — The explosion — "Stay right where you 
are." 

ACT III. — Home of Squire Gray — "No lass, until Paul proves his 
innocence, he cannot return" — The mortgage— "We have met the 
enemy and they are ours" — Good news of Paul — Squire tells a story 
— Rodrick threatens foreclosure on mortgage, unless Madge becomes 
his wife — A little misunderstanding — "i wonder if he means the 
whale in her head" — Remorse— ^Madge and Paul — "Not another 
step, or I'll tear you limb from limb"— Terry holds the best hand — 
Rodrick confronted by Carew— "The game is up" — "'Twas he who 
lighted the false beacon"— "Curse you" — Paul proven innocent— 
"Aye, lad, take her and may God in all his goodness watch over 
and protect you"— The end. Price, 15ct9. 

J^ Happy Pair. 

A Comedietta in 1 act, by S. Theyer Smith, for I male and 1 
female character — both light comedy. Scene, a nicely furnished 
room. Coslumes modern. A brisk little play, fulT of action and 
giving numerous opportunities for clever work. While entirely free 
from all "low comedy" business, it contains enough humor to be 
highly diverting. Time of playing, 30 minutes. Price, 15ot8. 



m 



-Acmes' Plays-CorLtinried. 



NO. 

58 
5)1 


Out in the Streets 

Rescned. ... 


I. 
6 
5 
2 

7 
3 
7 
9 

7 
5 
8 
7 
5 

. 5 
4 
4 
5 
3 
8 
5 
8 
7 
4 
3 
9 
3 
4 
5 

. 7 
6 
6 
8 
6 
5 

. 9 

. 4 
4 

3 

. 6 
. 
.14 

. 8 
. 7 
. 4 
. 2 
. 5 
. 6 
. 5 

. 6 


F. 
4 
3 
3 
4 
3 
3 
3 

5 
2 
5 
3 
4 
3 
2 
2 
4 
2 
3 
3 
5 
2 
3 
3 
3 
3 
4 
3 
6 
5 
4 
6 
3 
3 
4 

3 

1 

2 
2 
5 
2 
3 
3 
3 

4 
2 
4 

3 


NO. 
401 

344 


59 


Saved 


289 


102 
63 

62 

58 


Tiirn of the Tide 

Three Glasses a Day 

Ten Nigrhts in a Bar-Room 
Wrecked 


287 
225 
317 
324 


124 

87 


COMEDIES. 

An Afflicted Family. 

Biter Bit, The. 


345 

249 
220 
379 


394 

257 
248 


Bird Family. 

Caught in the Act 

Captured. 


188 
407 

218 


178 


Caste 


224 


368 
131 
388 
359 
207 
199 
421 
383 
323 
174 
357 


Case of Jealousy 

Cigarette, The 

Farmer Larkin's Boarders 
Girl from the Midway, The. 

Heroic Dutchman of '76 

Home. „ 

In a Spider's Web 

Joshua Blodgett. 25c 

Johanes Blatz's Mistake.... 

Love's Labor Not Lost 

London Assurance 


233 
154 

274 
209 

307 

271 
116 
140 


341 
411 
418 
149 
37 


Miss Blothingay's Blunder 

Miss Topsy Turvy 

Muldoon's Blunders., 25c... 

New Years in N. Y 

Not So Bad After All 


74 

366 

398 


338 
126 
370 
265 
114 
264 

•?19 


Our Boys 

Our Daughters 

Our Summer Boarder's 

Pug and the Baby 

Passions 

Prof. James' Experience 
Teaching Country School.. 
Rags and Bottles. 


308 

95 

305 

299 

11 

99 

406 


239 


Scale With Sharps and 
Flats 


303 
389 


404 


Servants vs. Master 


380 


S75 


Slight Mistake. 


2'?^ 


9-:>] 


Solon Shingle. 




363 

262 
306 
240 

3'r^9 


Stub, 25c 

Two Bad Boy8.„ 

Three Hats, The 

$2,000 Reward 

Valet's Mistake. 


302 

106 
288 
328 


33»1 
384 


Winning Hand, The..... 

Widow McGinty, The. 


1".3 
;'31 


16 


TRAGEDIES. 

The Serf 


?;^5 
69 
208 


FARCES&COMEBIETl 

132 Aotor and Servant. 


'A 
2 
. 3 
. 3 
. 4 
4 
. 3 
. 2 
. 4 

. 2 



3 
3 
3 
4 
3 
2 
2 

2 


212 

32 

273 


316 
320 
393 


Aunt Charlotte's Maid 

All in a Muddle 

Andy Freckles. 


313 
a56 
354 


291 
252 
175 
86 
352 


Actor's Scheme, The.. 
Awful Carpet Bag, That.... 

Betsey BaUer 

Black vs. White 

Bridget Branigans' Trou 
bles 4 


349 

285 
296 

259 
,395 



ax 



M. F. 

Box and Cox 2 1 

Badly Mixed 2 2 

Colonel's Mishap 5 

Cousin Josiah 1 1 

Cupids Capers 4 4 

Cleveland's Recept'n Party 5 3 

Day in a Doctors Office 5 1 

Deacon Jones' Wife's Ghost 4 

Double Election 9 1 

Dutchy vs. Nigger... 3 

Dutchman's Picnic, The 3 

Dutch Prize Fighter 3 

Dr. Baxter's Servants 4 

Everybody Astonished 4 

Fooling with the Wrong 

Man 2 1 

Freezing a Mother-in-Law. 3 2 

Fun in a Post Office 4 2 

Family Jars 5 2 

Goose with the Golden 

Eggs 5 3 

Hallabahoola, the Medicine 

Man 4 3 

Hans Brummel'a Cafe... 5 

Hash 4 2 

How He Popped the Ques- 
tion. 1 1 

How to Tame Your Mother- 
in-Law 4 2 

Hotel Healthy 4 3 

Haunted Hat, The 2 

Irish Squire of Squash v 

Ridge. 4 2 

In the Wrong Clothes 5 3 

Jacob Shlaflf's Mistake 3 2 

Jimmie Jones 3 2 

John Smith 5 3 

Jumbo Jum 4 3 

Judge by Proxy 5 2 

Kiss in the Dark 2 3 

Kitty and Patsy 1 1 

Katie's Deception 4 2 

Lauderbach's Little Sur- 
prise 2 1 

Locked in a Dress-maker's 

Room. '. 3 2 

Lodgi lias for Two 3 

Love in all Corners 5 3 

Landlord's Revenge, The... 3 

Ma+rimonial Bliss 1 1 

i.I?tch for a Mother-in-Law 3 2 
More Blunders than One.... 4 3 

Mother's Fool 6 1 

My Prc^-ious Betsey 4 4 

My Turn Next 4 3 

Mv Wife's Relations 4 6 

My Neighbor's Wife, 3 3 

Matchmaking Father 2 2 

Mike Donovan's Courtship. 1 3 

Mvstic Charm, The 4 

Mv Mother-in-Law 2 4 

Mashers Mashed, The 5 2 

Nanka's Leap Year Ven- 
ture 5 

Nobody's Moke - 5 2 

Nip and Tuck 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



"^A.mes' 



3-i'j tmrHou^i,.. 

'^■U Olivet 

3H! Our Famiiv Umbrella 

400 Obstin.-itt' "Family, The 

f>7 Paddy Miles' Boy. 

217 Patent Washing Machine.... 

16.T Persecuted Dutchman 

286 Professional Gardener '. 

195 Poor Pilicody. 

392 Pat McFree '.'.'''. 

412 Popping the Question 

276 Printer :..nd His Devils ,T1ip 

159 Quiet Family. 

169 RegularFix.. 

180 Rippleft. 

171 Rough Diamond. ,. 

267 Room 44. 

'^1", Rascal Pat. That.'"' 

416 Ruben Rube 

68 Sham Professor, The 

295 Spellin' Skewl, The. ...7" 

809 Santa Clans' Daughter 

138 Sewing Circle of Period 

115 S. H. A. M. Pinafore ." 

.55 Somebody's Nobody' . 

327 Striftlv Temperance 

2.^2 Sta^e Struck Yankee.. 

241 Struck by Lightning 

270 Slick and Skinner...." 

I Slasher and Crasher 

365 Stupid Cupid. ... 

358 Snow Ball. ■..■■'. 

346 Signing an Actor.'.'.'.'..^'.' 

413 Switched Oflf *';." 

326 Too Many Cousins..... '"... 

339 Two Gentlemen in a Fix 

137 Taking the Census 

167 Turn Him Out 

28 Thirty-three NextBirthdav 

292 Tim Flannigan ".. 

2<)3 Trials of a Country Editor. 

166 Texan Mother-in-Law 

281 Two Aunt Emilys. 

367 810,000 Wager 

312 Uncle Ethan "... 

269 Unjust Justice. '....'. 

213 Vei'mont Wool Dealer [ 

7 Wonderful Telephone. 

332 Which is Which? ■■■■ 

151 Wanted a Husband. ... .. 

56 Wooing Under Difficulties! 

70 Which will he Marry?.. 

135 Widower's Trials 

147 Waking Him Up. 

1.55 Why They Joined tiie "Re- 
beccas. 

414 Who's Who? ." 

403 Winning a Wife.'.". ..".."!. .".".".■."."."."." 

Ill Yankee Duelist 

157 Yankee Peddler '.....'^. 

377 Yacob's Hotel Experieut-e. 




ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 



204 
172 



*. 



Academy of Stars 6 

Black Shoemaker 4 2 

Black Statue 4 2 

The Little Geai Make-Up Box. Price .50 Cents 



325 
222 

214 
190 
378 

153 
24 
236 
282 
319 
361 
88 
256 
128 
61 
353 
244 
234 
246 
297 
134 
258 

177 
107 
133 
179 
243 
92 
238 
122 
108 
245 
216 
206 
210 
205 
156 



Coincidence. 
Colored Senatoi-s.. 

Chops 

Crimps Trip 

Gittin' 'Sperience in a Doc- 
tor's Office 

Haunted House 

Handy Andy 

Hypochondriac The 

Intelligence Office, The 

In For It 

Jake and Snow 

Mischievous Nigger 

Midnight Colic 

Musical Darkey 

Not as Deaf as He Seems... 

Nobody's Son 

Old Clothes 

Old Dad's Cabin 

Othello 

Pomp Green's Snakes 

Pomp's Pranks 

Prof Bones' Latest Inven- 
tion 

Quarrelsome Servants 

School 

Seeing Bosting 

Sham Doctor 

Sports on a Lark 

Stage Struck Darke. 
Strawberry Shorten 
Select School, The 

Those Awful Boys 

Ticket Taker. 

Vice V'^ersa. 

Villkens and Dinah 

Virginia Mummy 

William Tell 

Wig-Maker and His Ser- 
vants 

GUID 2 BOOKS. 

Hints on Elocution. 

Hints to Amateurs 



378 
371 
184 
186 



MIS CELL ANEOUS. 

Onto Victory, (^?*!ntata. i'c. 5 
Festival of Da,v-. . 
Cousin John's A. im > 

tomimes 

Happy Franks Sougsitr. 
Ames' Select Recitation.-^ 

No. 1. 

Mother Earth and her Veg- 

atable Daughters 

Ames' Series of Medleys, 
Recitations and Tableaux- 
No. 1 

Ames' Series of Medleys, 
Recitations anJ Patito 

mimes No. 2 

Joan of Arc Drill 

Victim of Womati's Rights. 1 

Family Discipline 

My Day i\nd Now- a- Days... 



rG 



